Noni

I came across a conversation on twitter the other day, it was one of those debates about who should and shouldn’t have children and at the core of it, was money and resources. One of those exchanges where everyone’s got an opinion and everyone’s sure theirs is the correct one. One reply caught my attention, something along the lines of ‘people are just living within their circumstances’. I couldn’t help but think, isn’t that just life in general? All of us are doing our best within the circumstances we find ourselves? NOBODY IS REHEARSING. We only get one life. Think about it. Long before we’re old enough to choose anything for ourselves, we’re already holding a script. Go to school. Study this. Work there. Get married by this age. Have kids by that one. Buy the house, tick the box, look successful doing it…..and we didn’t write a word of that script. This script was handed to us by where we grew up, what our families could afford, what we were exposed to and what we weren’t. Some of us got a script with more pages and more options. Some of us got the short version and had to improvise the rest along the way. And yet, somehow, once people have followed their version of the script, they feel fully qualified to grade everyone else’s. Isn’t that ironic? How with our hands full, we still find fingers to poke into other people’s eyes We all know that one person. They get married, and suddenly they are the spokesperson for Correct Life Choices. They have children, and now they can’t understand why someone else is waiting. They get promoted at work, buy a house, or finally “make it,” and before long, their story becomes the blueprint they think everyone else should follow. I’m also guilty of some of these things, and yes, even as I reflect, I’m still going to bully my siblings into finishing school and getting their degrees, but that’s not the conversation today, we are not talking about me, okay, lol. Here’s the thing that gets me though, nobody wants an opinion on their own life. But somehow everybody’s got a lot to say about someone else’s. It’s such a funny little contradiction, we guard our own choices fiercely. We want people to trust that we’ve made the best decisions we could. But somehow, we’re so comfortable having opinions about everyone else’s. My friend puts it like this “we judge others by their actions and judge ourselves by our intentions”. Meanwhile, all of us are just trying to survive in “our circumstances”. Some of these circumstances are comfortable. Some are very difficult. Some are the result of choices we’ve made. Others were predestined. But I promise you, nobody is rehearsing this. No practice rounds. No alternative lives. No opportunity to start over with a different hand. Just one life, and all of us are trying to make something decent out of it with the cards we were dealt. I don’t know where I’m going with this but just maybe, have some grace. For the friend who’s still finding her feet. For the one who chose differently. For the version of “success” that doesn’t look like yours. Ticking your boxes doesn’t mean you found the only right way to live. It just means you found a way. Yours. And that’s enough…..because your life was never meant to be someone else’s proof of concept. It was just meant to be lived, in whatever order it came to you. Also, living within your circumstances doesn’t mean staying stuck in them. Some of us have made choices we wish we could take back. Unfortunately, some regrets you’ll just have to live with, that’s part of life. But you can’t stop living because you took a wrong turn. There is a new thing which we are doing now (and yes, I’m also doing it because why not).WE ARE PIVOTING. Nawe you must also pivot. Pivot until you find the path that feels right for you. And if that path still includes ticking some of the boxes society says we must tic, marriage, children, a home, a career you love, then it’s okay. And mind you, there’s no shame in wanting them. You don’t have to act like you no longer want something just because the timing didn’t work out and now it feels like you’ve missed your chance. Keep reaching, even if life takes you the longer way round. The only time you should be ashamed of chasing your ideal life is if getting it means hurting someone else or compromising your own integrity. Outside of that, we’re all allowed to keep trying, dreaming, pivoting and doing whatever we want with the lives that God has blessed us with. So pivot. Again and again if you have to. Until your last day here on earth. Because whatever cards we’re dealt with, we’re still the ones responsible for how we play them.

In Part 1, I shared how I lived with fibroid symptoms for years without knowing what was actually going on in my body (link to Part 1 here). This post is about what surgery day looks like and what you need to pack in your hospital bag and all the information I wish I had beforehand. Fun fact, I also discovered that the hospital bag is exactly identical to when you are going to give birth, don’t quote me ke. I am finding that female related transitions are interlinked. Happy reading. The Surgery My gynae recommended an abdominal open myectomy. There are three types of myectomy surgeries (i) Hysteroscopic Myomectomy:  its performed using a thin, lighted tube (called a hysteroscope) that goes through the vagina and cervix so there’s no incision on the belly. It’s usually done for fibroids that grow into the uterine cavity.  (ii) Laparoscopic or Robotic Myomectomy: Involves small abdominal incisions. (iii) Abdominal (Open) Myomectomy: Recommended for large or numerous fibroids. Its performed through a larger incision in the belly, similar to a C-section. It’s usually done when fibroids are big, numerous, or hard to reach with minimally invasive methods. Recovery takes a bit longer than laparoscopic surgery. There is another option which is a guaranteed cure for fibroids known as a hysterectomy, which involves the complete removal of the uterus. It’s offered as an option if the fibroids are cancerous and you’re past childbearing age, or you don’t want future pregnancies. It was a Tuesday, on 24 May 2022, where surgery took place. My friend, who had previously had a C-section, helped me pack my hospital bag since I had no idea what I would need. This little gesture was also a tug at my heartstrings, a constant reminder that our hardest moments are made bearable by our community. Here’s a list of what I packed and what I actually found useful.  On the day I had to be at the hospital by 5am, even though the surgery was at 9am.. After check-in, I changed into a hospital gown, had to sign a million forms (including consent for a blood transfusion, just in case I lost more blood than expected during the surgery), had a catheter inserted, drip in, and off to theatre I went. The surgery took about three hours. Waking up was rough, I was in pain and the anaesthesia hadn’t fully worn off, so I was dozing in and out of sleep. This experience was wild for me. I don’t have words to explain what being put to sleep was like. Firstly, it didn’t feel like three hours. Post-op, I had a sore throat, since I had a tube down my throat. The doctor had explained just before I was “put to sleep”, that they would insert it to inflate my tummy so they could see the organs clearly during the op,so naturally, my throat would be sore afterwards. The star of the day was definitely the morphine drip. I could control it myself, and because I had the powers to do so, I was pumping it every two hours, cause wow. My doctor had explained beforehand that blood loss is quite common in this type of surgery, and if necessary, they would either give a transfusion or try to manage it carefully during the procedure. Fortunately, I did not need any blood transfusion, the procedure went well with no complications. I was so relieved that a blood transfusion wasn’t needed in my case.  For someone who loves food, I was only given food later that evening. Not that I was thinking of  food at that moment. I was in so much pain that my priority  was pumping the morphine and sleeping it off. My first meal was the classic hospital jelly-and-custard combo. In hospital (4 days) Day two started early, a nurse came to check vitals, clean and dress my wound and remove the catheter. The cool part about having passionate professionals during recovery is that the nurse shows you how you would need to take care of your operation wound once they discharge you to avoid infections etc. My first task that day was getting out of the hospital bed and taking my first walk. Bafazi it was very uncomfortable, painful actually, I couldn’t walk up straight. By day 2, the morphine is done and the pain management shifts from the drip to oral (TMI, there was one I got through the bum which worked really quick). The recovery team is also made up of   a dietitian and physio, who also came through.  The dietitian discussed my nutrition and how to support my recovery, particularly given my iron and vitamin D deficiencies, while the physiotherapist showed me some gentle movements to help get my body moving safely again and reduce the risk of complications from being in bed for so long. I also noticed light bleeding around this time, which my gynae told me to expect. I was given maternity pads (a brand by Dr. White), (I used these throughout, I found them to be the best for me as I spent most of my time laying down). During the time, I wasn’t sure if it was my period or post-surgery bleeding, but the nurses further reassured me that light bleeding can be normal after this type of procedure.   I stayed in hospital for four days in total and was discharged on the Saturday morning. The recommended healing period is between 4 to 6 weeks, but it really depends on your body and the type of procedure you had. Post- recovery The first two weeks at home were the hardest for me. The pain felt stronger once I left the hospital, and the medication didn’t always feel as effective compared to when I was in hospital. The most important thing during this time is wound care. I cleaned my scar twice a day using warm water, salt, and surgical spirit as instructed. Bed rest and minimal movement are very important during the first two

It’s my favourite time of the year… Well, one of my favourite times of the year.

I celebrated, I was filled with joy and excitement, unaware that this milestone would soon lead me into a very different kind of journey, one that would have me sitting across from doctors hearing things about my body that made me feel unfamiliar with myself in ways I never expected. So, this experience? It completely caught me off guard.

So, you are in your 30s with one income but want a million things, you are also a firstborn daughter (in every sense possible, not that there is another way really), IN THIS ECONOMY??? Yes, that’s me. You know how we always say that our parents did so much with very little, and we always wonder how they managed? Well, I took it a step further and actually asked them, HOW? The answer was SAVINGS! Sounds obvious and simple, right? especially for someone who comes from a family of women who were (and still are) involved in every type of stokvel you can think of. Growing up, my mom and aunts were involved in what they called “inhlangano” (a Swati term meaning “meeting”). These gatherings usually took place on the last Saturday of every month. They would meet, contribute money, which would be divided equally at the end of the year. They also lent money out during the year, which had to be paid back with interest before  December.  That was just one type of inhlangano. There was another type focused on groceries (others were for a cow, chickens or even cool drink and beer stokvels). Instead of receiving money at the end of the year, members would buy groceries in bulk and share them equally. My Dad, on the other hand, was involved in what you call a rotational stokvel at work. Each month, one member would receive the pooled money, and they would decide what to spend it on. So you see, I am not new to the culture of savings, but had actually never considered doing it for luxury items like a designer handbag I liked, an expensive pair of shoes or even my dream holiday. For me, it always came down to whether I could afford to pay for something in one go or not (crazy right?). That changed in 2020, during Covid.  Since then, I have become my parents in many ways. I am now involved in multiple stokvels, from a grocery stokvel with my friends  (which means I don’t have to worry about things like cleaning detergents, cooking oil, spices and other pantry items throughout the year), to others that help me plan better financially. This has also freed up my money as my monthly grocery shopping is now mostly limited to meat, fruits and vegetables.  Now let’s get into the real chat about what a stokvel is in our times, or the different ways in which we can stretch our salaries to afford the things and the kind of happiness that only money can buy. A stokvel is simply defined as a savings club – a popular and communal way for people to save money together for a common goal, a practise that is not unique to  South Africa but is prevalent in many low-income communities across developing countries. Stokvels can be classified into two types: (i) Rotating stokvels , whereby members contribute a set amount each month, and one member receives a cycle of the payout based on a predetermined roster. (ii) End-of-the-year (and sometimes beginning of the year stokvels too)  stokvels – whereby contributions are made throughout the year, and the payouts are distributed in early December for Christmas spending or beginning of the year to help members cover back-to-school expenses (we all know how tough things can get in Januworry). Today, stokvels are versatile and tailored to the financial goals of each group. Some stokvels that exists include (i) Burial societies – where members contribute to support each other to cover funeral expenses, the support from the stokvel can vary from  things like providing groceries, transport or money depending on what is agreed upon (ii) Savings/Investment clubs – each member contributes money in one account then at the end of the year, the money (and interest) is shared between the members, members can use the money for whatever they want, it could be a new designer bag, new phone or even a holiday or in the case of investment stokvels the funds could be reinvested or used to fund big projects that require large sums of money.   Right now, South Africa is dealing with a major fuel hike, petrol is up by R3,27/litre and diesel by R6,19/litre, this will definitely add pressure on already stretched budgets. This might be the time to  switch our daily routine a bit, consider lift clubs with friends or colleagues, sharing school runs, using public transport where you can, or even just planning your trips smarter so you’re not driving back and forth. It’s not about big sacrifices, just small, practical changes that can help you keep a little more cash in your pocket while still getting through your daily routine. I hope this post serves as a gently reminder to pause and take a closer look at your bank statement, and have honest conversations about your money. It’s really about being intentional with what you have, making small but smart adjustments along the way, and finding ways to stay financially steady. Here’s to being more mindful with our budgets and seeing all of us safely through to the end of 2026.

It’s the end of the year and I started a blog. Pheew… This sure was not on the cards, or so I thought. It seemed so random but a chat with a friend of mine reminded me that it has been a long time coming. I did not know what it would look like, but this is it. Eureka I guess!