First of All… Who Authorized This Hormonal Plot Twist?

I woke up early this morning and, like most mornings, instinctively reached for my phone (A very bad habit which I need to unlearn): somewhere between the usual scroll and catching up on messages, I noticed a friend had posted about International Women’s Day. I’ll be honest, I’m usually more tuned in to celebrating South Africa’s national Women’s Day in August.. So seeing the post made me pause for a moment. I found myself thinking about what it actually means to be a woman. Not the polished version we post online, but the lived experience.

Because being a woman is layered, it’s strength and softness at the same time. It’s resilience, often without us even noticing we’re being resilient. It’s carrying responsibilities, expectations, emotions, and still finding ways to move forward. In your 30s especially, these thoughts seem to land differently. You start reflecting more. On the women around you. On the women you grew up watching. On the ways in which your own understanding of womanhood has changed over time.

And then there are the changes we experience quietly in our own bodies — the ones that we rarely talk about. First of all, who authorized this hormonal plot twist? The hormonal shifts that suddenly make your body feel unfamiliar? What in the cycle is this bakithi?. The stubborn weight that refuses to move the way it used to; the classic Fupha. The fatigue, nutrient deficiencies, the small but noticeable differences that come with getting older. These are the parts of womanhood that many of us are navigating, yet they’re rarely talked about openly, yes maybe here and there, late-night searches online, or those moments when you realise that what you’re experiencing isn’t just you — it’s something many women go through.

As we celebrate today, there’s something that’s been in my heart for a while now. Bafazi, what exactly is happening to our bodies in our 30s? Who authorized this hormonal plot twist, for real? I say this as someone who has almost four years’ experience in my 30s and have been screaming since I landed on these streets. Now, one thing about me, I am always  on some kind of diet; so much so I have witnesses and exhibits for days. It’s almost part of my personality at this point and I’m not even ashamed of it. But here’s the thing, in my 20s, my body was chaotic, yes… but it was familiar chaos. I understood it. If things felt off, I knew exactly what to do. Give me two weeks and I could reset. Eat a little cleaner, move a little more, drink my water, and somehow everything would fall back into place. My body knew the script. And so did I. For the most part, I lived a fairly balanced lifestyle.. Could I have done better? Absolutely. Truth is, I didn’t know better at the time. We do the best we can with what we know, and that’s how life unfolds. If you are reading this and you are still in your 20s, please take care of your body. Cut down on processed foods, eat well and move your body regularly. Build those habits early. Your older self will thank you for it.

I entered my 30s with a bang, and not a good one. I was diagnosed with fibroids a day after my 30th birthday (that’s a blog post for another day). This diagnosis came after I had to endure severe period pains and heavy period on my birthday (I had always had heavy periods and hectic period pains but this specific cycle was showing off, it wanted to share in on the glory on my special day for real). And that was the beginning of a lot of discoveries within my body. One of the first things I learnt along the way is that heavy periods and periods that last much longer than they should are not actually normal. We often grow up thinking it’s just part of being a woman, you take the pain, you push through, you carry on with your day. But sometimes your body is trying to tell you that something needs attention. If you are experiencing that, please have it checked by your gynae/doctor. But also, not to be a complainer, but what are we going to do with these expensive gynae fees, and no, most don’t take medical aid, so it comes out of your, might I add “stretched”, pocket. Just as you are managing this, your hair is thinning off, your memory feels slightly off. We haven’t even started with the changes that come with pregnancy. Issalot for real. 

You’re doing all the “right” things, eating clean, moving your body, trying to be consistent yet the weight remains. You are noticing more skin tags appearing on your skin. And no, it’s not a feature from your father’s side of the family; my babe, another bombshell has entered the chat. Nutrients deficiencies started the group and added your iron and vitamin D.  PCOS might also send a request to join, insulin resistance, and every other thing you never had to worry about before. Congratulations, your software has been upgraded and you have become a foreigner in your own body; an upgrade without consent. No terms and conditions, just changes. And just like that, it’s time to get reacquainted and figure out what actually works for you. This takes patience and lots of self-love. Some mornings, you wake up and barely recognize your own body, let alone accept it. On other days you feel like the hit song “I’m every woman” was written with you in mind. Oh and the gag is, it’s different with your girls, maybe similarities here and there, but totally different.  You learn to be okay with sharing a mirror with a friend and the first thing you see on your body is the cellulite while she struts her perfectly carved legs. You really get to understand that life is not a group work for real, and its okay. 

This was not meant to be a long blog post, I got carried away a little… but that too is found in us. Our ability to go above a point and a tell a story. So my parting views are that as we grow older, I encourage you to embrace the changes in your body. We don’t have all the answers to some of the changes that we are experiencing, one wonders if it is not collateral outcomes from the garden of Eden? Was it part of the deal? I guess we will never know.  What I do know though is that we are showing up for ourselves in ways we didn’t need to in our 20s. Our 30s are about learning our bodies again, listening to it, and give it the patience, care, and self-love it actually deserves. Because you can’t rush it, and you definitely can’t shame it into shape. You can only work with it, respect it, and celebrate the resilience it carries every single day, even on days when it feels like it’s fighting you.